I thought I was special

With having a special needs child you tend to think most things are unique to your situation. The challenges you face all are part of having a child with a disability. However, when you have a teenager those feelings can be mixed.
On the one hand my son still has the intellectual brain of a child. He still does kid-like things. Like play with stuffed-animals. Then the hormones come out and you don't feel so special. As every teenager is moody, have small temper, and wants to do what they want. Like others, my teen is unmotivated and lazy when it comes to job, chores, and other life skills. He expects that we will do everything for him and all he should do is sit in front of the electronics. Where did the sweet boy go? The one who likes to be active, or spend time with the family? At this time, of course he wants to be alone most of the time.
Half the time when I am experiencing a particular bad behavior I think is this the disability or the teenage brain? Which is in control at this time? Is it both that is acting or one? All these thoughts go through at once.
It makes me worry for the future. Most teenagers find their way into adulthood and grow out of their lazy ways. Will that happen for my son? Will he eventually start getting the motivation to take care of his life? It is very likely he will never been fully independent. But, I can only hope he will get pushed into having as active and normal adult life as is possible!

Knowing is half the battle

Once I knew the truth I raged. I cried. I wished for the child that would never be. I still hoped that he just be quirky. More like Sheldon, from Big Bang Theory. I still imaged less difficulties than what I had  gotten.

I wish at the time of diagnosis I had been more prepared. I should of realized that this is not a disease with a cure. My son will always have the mind of a child. He will always have problems understanding the normal things, you and I would lake for granted. I am convinced that Autism has been with man since the beginning. We have always had special children to take care of. They turned to be the inventors in society. I know, given half a chance with a computer my son has the potential. Of course at this stage he is equally likely to watch videos.

Once I knew the reality of having a special needs child, my life changed. I had to take jobs for stability and income. We could not afford extra care, so my husband stayed home. It was a choice we made. We still make sacrifices. Having jobs that keep us close to home. However, soon we will change that. As he grows older we are going to look at making certain he is the best adult he can be.


This has been part of Finish the Friday Sentence hosted by Kristie at Finding Nininee.

Taking a break

The need to take a break from things is perfectly normal. We all wish to escape our everyday lives and recharge our batteries. What do you do when you need a break from your own child? Especially when the child is special needs. Family or friends may not be willing or able to take the child. Some people so not have that skill. Getting a support worker would be ideal, however the cost for one is out of most people's price range. If you have the resources to get a worker that does make life much easier. I myself have to rely on what is available in the community. For us that is respite, which we can only get once or twice a year. Now I can occasionally get  family to help for an evening. It would be nice to get more time. As my son is growing into adulthood it is important that he gets breaks from us. Get used to the idea of being independent. It will be a difficult time and we will be looking for more break time as the years go on.

words from the ASD camp

Some phrases that my son has come up with that I found cute.

"This is boring!" said when given clothes for a present.

"I'm trying to ruin my childhood" said when talking about watching an old TV show of his.

Getting what they what.

As the holidays approach I consider how I have gotten presents. I have developed a simple equation to get the thing they want: love-3 years. Look at what they are passionate about and when look at "age appropriate" items minus 3 of their physical years. Most times it works. As he gets older the minus years gets a little larger. At this point we are still holding strong at minus 4 years! My son, being on the ASD spectrum will tell everybody information on what he is into. We have been able to take that passion and convert it into gifts for him. We can get toys, and now days video games and movies.
What has been your strategies for purchasing gifts?

The wish to be normal

There are times when I sit and wonder what it would be like to have 2 "normal" children, instead of just one. My younger son's only issue is a mild does ADHD, and what teen does not have that! There are many things about my older son that I would like to wish away. Having a Developmental Disability is no easy thing. There are many ways my life would be different if he was normal. I would not have to struggle with a system that is underfunded. I would not have to adjust my work so I can be home for him. He would be able to handle his own responsibilities without my constant supervision. The behaviour would just be teenage hormones. On the other hand I would loose his innocence and ability to forgive. The naivety that will always be there. There is many times I would not have things other than they are. Life is what you get from it. I would never have the awareness of disabilities if it were not for my special boy!

Arguing with a wall

Special needs kids are known for their inability to accept change. It is like stubborn times 100! Many times there is a battle to do any change. You learn to pick the battles you would like to win. The battles that will bring change for their own good!! Sometimes the battles is not on change but for them to do something they don't want to. Like doing chores around the house. What can you do???

We have learned to use reward system. Points for doing what you are told. Extra points if only ask once! After so many points you win. Most times its money to go spend or save. Sometimes its extra treats.

What's the system you use? What works for you??